tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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