god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pooping to opera.
You don't make any sense
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