I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
