can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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