Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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