I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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