I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
