omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
