the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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