shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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