he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
