dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
