You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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