I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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