I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
