just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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