Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
