Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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