I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
