weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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