Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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