she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
