You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
