I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
