I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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