If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
