You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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