Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
