can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
