I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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