This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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