When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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