You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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