I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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