i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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