I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
