Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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