I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I believe in your delicious
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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