Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
