How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
