Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
