so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
