I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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