Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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