I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
