I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
