The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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