so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
