Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
