Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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