Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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