this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
