1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
