you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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