You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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