I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
