Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
