i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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