make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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