there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
