Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
