so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
