She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
