be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
