Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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