Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
