She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
