i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
