I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
