when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
