Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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