who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
