im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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