i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
