I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize