last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
