The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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