There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
