Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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