i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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