I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
