I think I died a long time ago.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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