it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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