Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
