Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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